Archive for the ‘Easterson de Butugenhausen’ Category

Episode 38

February 25, 2009

Gnarlhawk: “Prosopagnosia.”

Easterson: “I heard you the first time Doctor, but what in blazes does it mean?”

Gnarlhawk: “Face blindness – I… I have trouble distinguishing one face from another. If the board found out about my condition they’d have my license… I’d have to go back to being a P.I. – and who’d hire a gumshoe who can’t tell one mugshot from another?”

Guinevere: “I’m curious Doctor-”

Gnarlhawk turns, and stares intently at the young woman before him.

Guinevere: “Can you even tell between a man and a woman?”

Gnarlhawk raises his eyes to look Guinevere in the face.

Gnarlhawk: “Uh… sure. From your… voice.”

Easterson: “There’s something I don’t understand Doctor… How could you possibly confuse me with Stockton Fortuna? The only comatosed man in this room in the bed over there.”

Easterson waves a hand vaguely in the directly of Stockton’s bed, not wasting energy to turn his head – why would he when that same energy might possibly be used to take advantage of the Doctor’s newly revealed medical condition?

Gnarlhawk: “Quite simple, Mr. de Butugenhausen. I may not know Stockton’s face, but I’ve seen his chart…. And as sure as my name’s Doctor Gnarlhawk Sinclair, he’s not in a coma.”

All eyes turn towards the bed, but Stockton is nowhere to be seen! Easterson splutters a shocked cough. Guinevere edges closer to the doctor and whispers in a helpful tone,

Guinevere: “He’s not there.”

Gnarlhawk: “I know what an empty bed looks like!”


Episode 34

February 21, 2009

Easterson: “Well, at least you have the decency to confess Doctor, but don’t think I wont crush you all the same.”

Gnarlhawk: “And you’d be right to. Turning a blind eye to your wife’s kidnapping goes against everything I believe in – as a doctor and as a private detective.”

Easterson: “Kidnapping? Are you dense? My wife is right here!”

Gnarlhawk looks at Guinevere, furrowing his brow. Suddenly, as if finding the final piece of a puzzle, he rejoices.

Gnarlhawk: “Oh thank God you’re ok, Mrs. Fortuna. How did you escape?”

He turns back to Easterson.

Gnarlhawk: “I’m so sorry about this Mr. Fortuna. I only hope you can for-”

Easterson: “What in blazes are you talking about man? I’m not Stockton Fortuna, I’m Easterson de Butugenhausen, and this is my adulteress wife Guinevere de Butugenhausen.”

The doctor is overwhelmed. He staggers back in a way that, if you saw an actor do it, you’d think it was good acting.

Gnarlhawk: “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t go on living a lie! I’m a prosopagnosiac! There I said it.”

For the first time since Easterson’s dramatic entrance, Guinevere makes eye contact with her husband. In that subtle mode of communication known only to husband and wife, even those plagued by crises and infidelity, they exchange a simple sentiment: what the hell?

Episode 30

February 17, 2009

Easterson: “You’ve crossed the wrong man Doctor. Her phone was on, and I heard everything.”

Guinevere stealthily checks her Sony Ericsson C702a and is shocked to see she made an inadvertant call to Easterson during her adult situation with Stockton. She looks between faux-comatosed Stockton, her husband Easterson, and the unknown doctor. The sordid love triangle, of which she had been a vertex, had just been extended to a 2d star-convex set – but neither the hapless doctor nor her rash husband were to be found in its kernel.

Before Gnarlhawk can respond Guinevere throws herself between the two men.

Guinevere: “Please don’t do this.”

Gnarlhawk: “No. He has to know. I can’t keep this secret any longer.”

Guinevere gasps, a noise which – fortunately – just manages to obscure Stockton’s own counfused expletive.

Episode 27

February 14, 2009

Easterson: “Guinevere de Butugenhause? My wife? What are you doing here?”

Guinevere spins around to see her husband entering Stockon’s hospital room. Stockon, luckily, had been in the throws of an unusually-protracted blink, and returns to his faux-comatose state.

Guinevere: “East!”

Easterson: “…-erson de Butugenhausen, yes. Come on woman, out with it!”

Before she can reply, Stockon’s physician – Dr. Gnarlhawk Sinclair – enters the room. Easterson’s gaze sweeps from one to the other.

Easterson: “Oh I see now. I see all too well…”

Episode 24

February 11, 2009

Easterson: “I’m still so stunned that I, Easterson de Butugenhausen, have overheard an adult situation in full swing wherein my wife, Guinevere de Butugenhausen, and an unidentified male made a cuckold of me. What more could I have done than to buy a Sony Ericsson C702a for the woman to prevent such transgressions!?… The device was practically engineered for the purpose! The only thing that could possibly cheer me in the slightest would be to visit my comatosed Golden Platypus Club compatriot and long-time rival, Stockton Fortuna, and gloat over his ailing health.”

Taxi driver: “Um… so you want to go to the… hospital?”

Easterson: “Weren’t you listening man? Drive!”

Episode 16

February 3, 2009

In the den of Easterson de Butugenhausen, the debonair industrialist is looking at a map of the world – no doubt planning the eleborate strategems by which his global corporations toy with men’s lives as if they were so many toy men.
Easterson: “I love manipulating people.”
He says, aloud, to the empty room. His thought is interrupted by his cell phone ringing – the Sony Ericsson W508a which he had especially selected for it’s provision for unrestrained marital infidelity.
Easterson: “Ah. It’s my wife, Guinevere de Butugenhausen…. Hello? Hello? Guinevere? It’s your husband, Easterson de Butugenhausen.”
He pauses, for the first time noticing the sounds coming from the other end of the line; The unmistakable sounds of an adult situation.

Episode 11

January 29, 2009

Guinevere de Butugenhausen, wife of Stockon Fortuna’s Golden Platypus Club compatriot Easterson de Butugenhausen, steps slowly into the former’s hospital room.
Guinevere: “Oh Stockon, what a fool I’ve been. Now it’s too late… to tell you…”
She breaks down on Stockon’s bed.
Stockon: “It’s never too late.”
He grabs the shocked Guinevere with his powerful, non-comatosed arms, and an adult situation ensues.
Unbeknownst to either of them, the goings-on mash the buttons of Guinevere’s Sony Ericsson C702a and place a call to her husband. If only she had had a Sony Ericsson W508a flip-phone… or had Easterson experienced some prescience of button-mashing infedility when he gave her the phone as a Hanukkah gift?